Everybody's Secrets (Original Fiction)

Rory's point of view:

Andrew glanced my stopwatch, waiting for it to hit zero. ?Three, two, one, go!?

I flipped the five cards nearest to my left knee. I heard them in my mind and the pronunciation signs flitted back and forth past my inner eye. Sanguine, loquacious, poseur, facetiously, turpitude. Definitions flooded my head, faster than I could speak. I tapped the first card and began to speak.

?Sanguine,? I stuttered, ?Adjective. Optimistic, or cheerful.?

I tapped the next card. ?Loquacious. Another adjective. Talking too much, or talking before you think.?

I had to keep moving. Talk faster, I thought. Beat the timer.

?Poseur, noun. Somebody who, like, puts on an act to impress others.?

?Twenty seconds,? Andrew read the numbers off the timer.

?Facetiously, adverb. Um, not intended to be serious.?

?Good enough,? he urged, ?Keep going!?

?Turpitude, noun, immorality or shameful character.?

Andrew clicked the ?stop? button on the side of the stopwatch and I took a deep breath. I swear, I did all that in one breath.

?How was my time?? I inquired.

He peered at the light green digital numbers flashing on the screen of the watch. ?Thirty seconds exactly. Good job, Rory.?

Thirty seconds. Not my best, but not bad. The best I could do was try another round and hope for a better time. I shuffled my pack of hand-made flash cards and handed the deck to Andrew. He drew five more and placed them on the floor in front of me.

?Three, two, one, go!?

My hearing was swallowed up to allow my mind to focus. I took in the new words as quick as lightning. Lackadaisically, munificent, prevaricate, sybarite, analgesic. Again, all the answers came at once. I was overwhelmed, letters, symbols, sentences, definitions, all floating through my head. I didn?t even hear the door open. I just started talking.

?Lackadaisically, adverb, um, lazily, in an idle manor.?

Faster, my mind screamed, Hurry. Shut out all the noise. Focus.

?Munificent. Adjective, really generous.?

I sped through the definitions as fast as possible.

?Prevaricate, verb. To speak misleadingly. Analgesic, noun. A remedy to relieve pain.?

I was almost out of breath. My head was spinning.

?Sybarite, noun. A lover of luxury.?

Andrew clicked the stopwatch again and I read the numbers before he could tell me what the time was. 24:53. I drifted back to reality, which was, in some ways, worse the hypnotic trance that I went into while studying my words.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw someone sitting on the couch, staring at me. I never heard him come in, but I guess I had been busy in my word-trance. I vaguely recalled the fact that I wasn?t wearing makeup. He was probably staring at my acne-covered, creepily discolored face. Great.

?Hey, Benny,? Andrew greeted. The kid whispered something I didn?t hear. Probably a hello.

His skin was pale and smooth, like he?d never spent a day in the sun, and his clothes were ratty and unclean. His hair was black, silky and smooth (unlike mine), and fell in large swoops around his eyes.

?Um, one more round then?? Andrew asked me, breaking the uneasy silence.

?No thanks,? I stuttered. I hated the sound of my voice. ?I?ll just?go home.? I gathered up my pile of halved index cards, tightening them with a rubber band. I stood up.

Oh no. Not again. My eyes zeroed in on the kid in Andrew?s living room, Benny. I Inadvertently scanned him for clues, like I always do.

Bad posture, slumped shoulders?recent growth spurt. Right elbow bent slightly and left wrist covered in lead smudges?He was left-handed. Burs caught on shoelaces?He took the shortcut past the field to get here. Out of habit I looked for something more, something that would really tell me something about who this kid really was.

Clothes a perfect fit and not severely worn?He was an only child. Eyes darting around the room?Suspicious, constantly nervous. Bruised jaw, up from a bottom right angle?Beaten, probably. Abusive parents I guessed. I forced myself to turn away.

It was too much information. I had no right to do this. No right to delve into other people?s privacy like that. It wasn?t my job. I pulled the door open and tripped down the outside stairs without uttering a goodbye. Without meaning to, I started to run. I needed to escape.

Snow fluttered up into my face, so I wasn?t sure if I was crying or not. This kid intrigued me. He reminded me of me. But I couldn?t do this to myself. I wasn?t right for a relationship, not me, not with this curse. I couldn?t. I saw too much. Call me OCD, call me perfect material for a police detective, call me whatever you want. I knew everybody?s secrets, whether I wanted to or not. And sometimes, I just didn?t want to know.

Benny's point of view:

I was still standing in Andy?s living room, staring out the open door after an unknown target. I was more flustered than anything, but I was a very flustered person in general.

?Who was that?? I asked. He walked over and closed the door as the snow started to drift in.

?Oh, just a girl I met at school the other day,? He replied, ?Her name?s Lorelei.?

I?d been scared stiff before she left, but once I was alone with Andrew I felt better. I could even be fun, sometimes. Not really.

?You like her, then?? I teased, but I felt a surge of jealousy in my gut.

?No way!? he made a face.

?Is she that freaky?? I was surprised. The seemed like they were having fun earlier.

?No,? he sighed, ?It?s just that she?s more like a guy than a chick. Really.?

?What were you two even doing?? I sat on the couch. I was tired, ?cause I ran all the way through the field. I just don?t like being alone for a long time.

?Oh, she wanted help practicing vocabulary words.?

?For English??

?No, for fun.?

Now we were getting to the weird stuff. ?Who the hell practices vocabulary words for fun??

?Dunno. She doesn?t talk a lot, really shy little chick.? He climbed up onto the arm of the couch. ?She reminds me of you, actually. Except she?s a lot smarter.?

?Oh thanks, now you?re insulting my intelligence.? I was curious, but I wanted to find a way to get more information about her without being so obvious. I bit my lower lip. I do that when I lie, or when I?m thinking really hard. Unfortunately, Andrew had figured this out after being my best friend for years. He smiled at me.

?I think she left her sweater here,? he began, ?And it?s snowing outside. She?s probably really cold.?

?What are you trying to say??

He raised his eyebrows at me. You couldn?t help but be grateful at a time like this. When your best friend didn?t let on that he knew you were crushing on a chick you?d never even spoken to.

?I?m saying, go bring it to her.? He threw me a dark grey sweatshirt that held an odd aroma of gardenias and dry cleaner exhaust. ?She lives on 181st and Schr?dinger. Little red house.?

I got up slowly, my bruised ankle sending a sharp spike of pain up my leg. I think I sprained it a few days ago, but I didn?t tell anyone. My dad was drunk and my mom was angry as hell, so I figured I could wait. I hauled open Andrew?s front door and turned back to say goodbye.

?Andy?? I whispered.

?Yeah??

?Thanks.?

?Don?t mention it.?

I stepped into the snow, and it crunched like a handful of raw granola. Andy?s door slammed and the momentum almost tossed me off the stairs. I took a breath and steam billowed out of my mouth. It was a secret pleasure, but I really enjoyed puffing steam out of my mouth on wintery days. And January was a good month in general, ?cause my birthday was on the 27th. I?d be turning sixteen.

A billion thoughts floated through my head as I walked up to Schr?dinger and over to 181st. My heart pounded in anticipation. Would she like me? Would she even remember me? What if I really started to like her? What if I didn?t like her at all, but she liked me? I bit my lower lip so hard it started to bleed, or maybe it was from the cold. One more thing to worry about. I caught a glimpse of somebody walking on the other side of the street. She noticed me and ran over.

?Hey Benny!? she shouted.

It was Nicole, one of ?Bad Boy? Owen?s admirers, except they actually seemed to like each other for real (that was when they weren?t having an insult battle or arguing over something stupid). He?d had lots of ?girlfriends? over the years, and thousands of one-night flings, but Nicki was different. She was like one of the guys. And I could talk to her about other girls, who seemed to be the second most confusing things in the world after quantum physics and the study of sub-atomic God particles.

?Hi Nicki,? I greeted. She fell into step beside me.

?Where are you going? It?s, like, midnight.?

I winced as my ankle rolled over a rock. ?Um, I?m bringing this back to someone.?

She smiled. ?Sure you are. And is this someone?? she nudged my shoulder, ??Of the female gender??

?What??

She ruffled my hair. ?Oh Benny, don?t be so clueless,? Nicki swirled around, walking backwards. ?You?re pretty attractive.?

You probably wouldn?t believe me if I told you Nicki was kind of shy, but she is. She just wasn?t shy with me. And she talked fast, so it was sometimes confusing to have a conversation with her.

?I-I?m what??

?C?mon,? she elaborated, ?I?m not blind. Tons of girls at school are nuts over you! You just don?t see it.?

?Don?t see what?? I inquired. I?d never thought about any chicks liking me, I?d only thought of me liking them.

?Like yesterday, when Stephanie dropped her pencil and you bent down and picked it up for her? She was blushing like crazy! And Ava?s been staring right through you all of science class for months!?

I didn?t say anything. I couldn?t think about too many things at once, or I got all flustered.

?Oh, whatever,? she moved right along without waiting for a response. ?I gotta go?I?m meeting Owen.?

?Okay. See you later.?

She pranced across the empty road and into the darkness. I took a moment to think about what she?d said. Did Stephanie and Ava like me? They were pretty cute chicks. That wouldn?t be so bad. I scanned the dark street corner for a light blue house. It trudged through the snow and up to a chestnut-colored front door. I held my breath and knocked softly. My heart sped up and my stomach churned. The doorknob turned.

That girl stood in the doorway. That girl. For the first time, I really took in her appearance. She was normal height, about five foot six. She looked sickly and tired; a thin face with a pale white complexion that clashed strikingly with her orange-blonde hair. Her eyes were bluish-grey, like a stormy raincloud in October, and her face was sprinkled with acne. She wasn?t very pretty. Not as pretty as Nicki or Stephanie or Ava, anyway. But somehow I froze up in her presence. I felt dizzy and weak and I could barely open my mouth.

?I-I, uh,? I stuttered stupidly, ?You, um, left your sweater at, um, Andrew?s house.?

Her cold, ocean-colored eyes scanned me from head to toe. I felt like I was under a microscope.

?Thanks,? she whispered, but I didn?t make a move to hand it over and she didn?t make a move to take it from me.

?Why don?t you, uh,? she sputtered, ?Come in for a minute? You look cold.? She noticed me peering at the lighted windows. ?Don?t worry, my parents aren?t home.?

Every cell in my body screamed ?don?t do it, don?t come in? (don?t ask me why, I don?t know), but, against my better judgment, I climbed through the chestnut colored doorway. Her house was relatively normal, as far as I could see. There were a few pieces of furniture here and there, some cruddy off-white carpeting. I handed her the dark grey sweatshirt that smelled like gardenias and dry cleaner exhaust.

All right, after that an overwhelming urge forced me to do something beyond the brink of teenage-boy stupidity.

?Y-you?re Lorelei, right?? I stammered.

?Yeah.?

?Do you want to go out sometime??

Awkward silence. I almost fainted, but she didn?t look the least bit slighted.

?No.?

?What??

?I said no. Believe me, you don?t want to have anything to do with me.?

I felt an overwhelming wave of disappointment, and yet I felt an urge to satisfy my curiosity about this girl. She was a mystery I needed to solve, an enigma I couldn?t quite get a firm grasp on.

?Why? I?? I paused, ?I think you?re pretty.?

?You?re lying.?

?What makes you so sure?? I was. How did she know?

?You bite your bottom lip when you lie. And you avoid eye contact, breathe faster and rub your fingers together.?

I tried to think of something to say. She was right. I had that bad lip-biting habit, and I tended to look away from people when I was trying to hide something. I wasn?t even aware of the finger thing, until I realized I was doing it at that very moment. I stopped.

?That?s why you don?t want to date me,? she whispered. ?I?ll scare you away.?

She ducked her head into her shoulder. I?ll bet she was crying. I felt really bad, but the idea of going out with a?a? I?m not sure what, was scary. I wondered what her life was like. I wondered what else she knew about me.

?You don?t scare me,? I said.

?You?re lying again.?

?Fine, I?m lying.? I stopped rubbing my fingers together and tried to think of something comforting to say. ?What else do you know about me??

She hesitated, like she didn?t want to ruin her chances with me even more than they already were. She took one look at me and her eyes flew back and forth like eagles diving after pigeons. She took a deep breath.

?You?re left handed. You?re an only child, you take a shortcut through the field everyday on the way to school. You don?t have very good eyesight. You?ve got Reynaud?s syndrome. You?? She almost smiled, ?You play the piano.?

This girl was amazing, like a psychic, or an oracle. Nobody knew I played the piano. Not even Andrew. ?A-anything else?? I asked apprehensively.

Her smile disappeared immediately and she frowned. ?You?ve got abusive parents. You?re afraid to be alone.?

I looked at my feet. I saw how this could cause problems in a relationship. She continued.

?You smoke too much. You?re an insomniac. You?re ADD. You?re recovering from a traumatic experience. You feel like no one loves you.?

I was slightly angered. She didn?t have the right to say these things about me. She didn?t even know me. ?How do you know everything about me? I?ve never even met you before.?

?I notice things. I?m perceptive. Observant.?

?Like a police detective??

?Sure. Except I don?t solve crimes,? she sighed, ?I solve people.?

I swallowed. I didn?t know what to say. I was more afraid of this enigmatic stranger than I was of anything. More than giant spiders, or a violent nuclear apocalypse. She told me the truth about myself, and I was afraid of the truth.

I turned back towards the door. I didn?t want to leave, but I wanted to want to leave. If that makes any sense. I opened the door.

?Benny?? she called after me, ?How long have you played the piano??

?Six years,? I whispered.

?I play the saxophone. I love jazz.?

?So do I,? I confessed.

?Maybe we can play together sometime. My mom has a piano downstairs.?

?Cool,? I coughed. I felt like something difficult was over with, but my heart was suffocating with regret. ?See you, Rory.?

?See you.?

I fumbled onto the sidewalk. The snow was falling like powdered sugar from the sky, and my head was strangely thoughtless as I trudged back to my side of the neighborhood. Rory had been right about a lot of things?I was anxious about being by myself. My fingers were numb and white, so she?d also been right about the Reynaud?s syndrome. And the eyesight thing too?I was really as blind as a bat, but I got by. My family couldn?t afford glasses anyway. And piano?that was my secret. My only cool-kid vice. I?d been playing for years and I was actually pretty good, but I?d never told anyone, not even Andy. How could she have known?

I walked by my house. The lights were on and my parents were inside, fighting, so I just leaned against the side of our house and tried to fall asleep. It didn?t work. I stayed up all night, fingering jazz songs in the grass. Call me crazy, but I thought I?d take Rory up on her offer to play on her mother?s piano. Maybe if we spent all our time playing, she wouldn?t have so much time to analyze my faults. I decided I?d look for her at school tomorrow. Maybe I?d say hello.

Rory's point of view:

So there I was in the basement, ironing clothes at one in the morning, watching monster movies. I had nothing else to do, and my parents were never home, meaning they couldn?t tell me when to go to bed. The TV flickered black and white as Godzilla stampeded a few blocks of downtown Tokyo. I wondered why they went to the trouble of subtitling all these foreign films when they could just film one in English.

I plucked one of my mom?s pretty white blouses from the pile of laundry and ran the steaming iron over it. A cloud of steam flew into my face while a few Japanese children screamed in terror. I had a rhythm going?pluck the laundry from the pile, run the iron over twice, fold, fold, place it in the other pile. I was thinking about Benny. He came to my house a few hours ago, and I totally freaked him out. But I always did that. I was a scary person.

It was amazing how easy people were to read when they didn?t know what I looked for. Benny had a real bad lip-biting habit, which revealed his compulsive (and terribly unhealthy) smoking tendencies. His fingertips were white and shriveled like raisins, which means he?d been sucking on them. Reynaud?s was easy enough to see. His pupils kept dilating and re-dilating, meaning he was nearsighted and had trouble focusing on things. The piano thing was more of an educated guess, really. I noticed that his back straightened when he sat, and played basic warm-up finger patterns on the side of his leg when he stood up. It was lucky, but it was an impressive stroke of luck.

He?d never talk to me again, of course. I had but one good friend, one person who could put up with my freakishness. He?d been my best friend ever since we were nine, and I first started to hone my powers of observation. He was, ironically, also named Benjamin, but his middle name was Jesse, so that?s what I called him. As we?d gotten older, however, Jesse had started to drift away from me and spend more time with his ?normal? friends. I was all alone. Sad, right?

Even though I spent most of my time analyzing other people?s problems, I had a few of my own. I obviously had some severe acne, and I bit my fingernails. But I wasn?t that shallow. I had real problems.

I was a pyromaniac. For those who don?t study bizarre vocabulary words for fun, I was an arsonist, I liked to set things on fire. It set my soul free every time I watched something go up in flames. I was also attracted to dangerous smells. I loved the scent of a gas station, the after-rub of cleaning supplies, and I adored standing in clouds of dry cleaner exhaust. All my clothes probably smelled weird afterwards. I wrote poetry too. I wrote stupid poetry about stupid things. Love, loss, blah blah blah. There?s secrets I won?t tell you, because everyone has some things they?re not comfortable sharing.

I sighed while Godzilla smashed a historical monument on TV. Why couldn?t I just stop being such a freak? Why couldn?t I be normal? I used to wonder why everyone hated me so much, but in the back of my mind I always knew. I was different, and in
modern America, that was the worst crime a person could commit.

~~~~~

I don?t remember when I fell asleep, but I was grateful that my parents turned the iron and the TV off. I woke up in my bed, upstairs, still wearing my clothes from yesterday. I had a plan for myself today. Nobody at school really knew about my oddness yet, so if I was careful, I could find a way around it.

I rolled out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like a zombie?My hair was greasy and all over the place, and my face was scared and my eyes were red and bloodshot. I had a lot of work to do.

First I took a shower and washed my hair multiple times. I used a curling iron so my hair (which was usually ugly and as straight as a stick) made delicate waves across my shoulders. I washed my face a billion times and slathered myself in makeup to cover my unfortunate ugliness. I gave myself eight eye-drops in each eye and I wolfed down four aspirins. I took another look in the mirror. I could almost pass for a normal girl. Almost.

I gathered up my belongings and walked all the way to school. I was supposed to take the bus, but it gave me headaches. So many people, so many details to take in. I walked through the field that I knew Benny took. Heavy mist swirled through the trees and I felt it clinging to my backpack like a small animal. I didn?t mind being alone. I actually enjoyed it. I didn?t have to worry about how to behave, I could just be myself. But school was a necessary part of life, so I trudged onward.

Hundreds of kids milled around outside of the building, waiting for the first period bell to ring. Lots of people showed up early (including me) to get away from their parents, to see their friends, or to finish their homework. I came to make some friends. I figured it was a little late in the year, but you never know.

Heads turned as I walked through the courtyard. Mostly boys? heads. My hair curls bounced up and down on my shoulders, and I felt out of place. People turned to look at me, and turned back to their friends, talking and whispering. I didn?t have friends to whisper with. I scanned the courtyard, pretending to be looking for someone. I caught sight of a girl I?d never noticed before. It was odd, because I usually noticed everyone. She looked sort of lonely, so I figured I?d go say hi.

I fought my way through a crowd of older boys wolf whistling at me and stumbled in front of her. She looked startled. Before I could stop myself, I took in her appearance, looking for clues. Who would I be dealing with?

Bracelet, AD?Probably initials. Obvious lack of mascara?She probably cried a lot, and just avoided wearing the stuff. Bruised wrist?Another case of parental abuse. I looked away. I had to break this habit. What would I say? I remembered an attendance list I caught sight of a few days ago. Yeah, I sort of have a photographic memory. AD, AD . . .

?Hi!? I sounded to bubbly, to happy. I didn?t sound like me. ?Are you?Are you Ava??

She looked like she was trying to place where she had met me before. But she hadn?t.

?Yeah,? she said quietly, ?I am.?

?I?ve been meaning to say hi,? I lied, ?I?m Lorelei. It?s my first year here.?

?Nice to meet you.?

?Yeah,? I tried to speed things up, ?Can I sit with you at lunch? I don?t really . . . well . . .?

?You don?t have a lot of friends?? she asked, ?I know how you feel.?

I was relieved. ?Thanks.?

There was still about ten minutes until first period, so we sat on the curb and talked for a while. Ava and I became pretty fast friends? it turned out that we had a lot in common. We both like watching movies, listening to the radio. Typical teen girl stuff. I didn?t say anything about my weird OCD mentalist powers, and I had a feeling there was some stuff she didn?t tell me. But that was to be expected, and I didn?t want to ruin what could turn out to be an actual friendship. She told me about her bracelet?apparently it was a hobby of hers, weaving those. She offered to make me one.

At five minutes to, I noticed Johnny on the other side of the courtyard. He was standing next to Andrew, not really talking. He looked hurried and flustered, like hanging out in big, noisy crowds wasn?t one of his favorite things. In the back of my mind, I?d been hoping that if he saw me with clean hair, makeup and proper clothes that didn?t smell like dry cleaner exhaust, I might have a chance to reconcile with him. It had broken my heart rejecting him last night. And just being around him made he feel lighthearted and fluffy. Ava noticed him almost as fast as I did.

?Are you watching Benny?? I asked, rather insensitively, bumping her shoulder.

?Yeah,? she whispered, ?I really like him. Like a lot.? Ava pulled excitedly on the sleeve of my sweatshirt. ?You sound like you know him! Could you do me a favor??

I felt a knot in my stomach tighten. ?What kind of a favor??

?Well,? she continued, ?Could you tell him for me? Please? I?m waaay to scared to do it myself.? She gazed longingly at him. I could see her affection was pure, untarnished. She had one hell of a case of puppy love. Except puppy love goes away.

?Sure,? I said before I even had a chance to think. ?I?ll?I?ll do that. I?m sure he?ll be excited.?

I felt sick. The first period bell rang, and she innocently waved goodbye. I did too, but I felt an odd angry sensation, like I wanted to crush her. But she hadn?t done anything wrong. What did I get myself into now?

Benny should be mine. I should have him. A rush of vexed thoughts flew through my head. I realized that if this was war, I just made friends with the enemy.

Benny's point of view:

The minute I saw Rory at school the next day, my mind was blown away. She curled her hair and must have been wearing makeup, ?cause she was just beautiful. And I already had a sort of a crush on Ava, so when I saw them standing together?wow. They were like my blonde and brown-haired angels shining like the sun in a sea of demons. I promised myself I?d say hello to her today, but I changed my mind when I saw her hanging out with Ava. To many cute chicks in one place, if you ask me.

~~~~~

That night, I gathered my wits and decided to stop by Rory?s house. I was itching to talk to her, for some reason. By the time I got to her house, I was sweating like a monkey and scared stiff. She intimidated me more than I dared to admit, and I felt uncomfortable around her, but I was always drawn back. I knocked on her door. Rory threw it open. She was still wearing makeup and the curls in her hair had barely faded, but she wasn?t smiling. Her ocean eyes bored trough me like a spear.

?H-hi, Rory,? I stuttered. She didn?t look happy. I hoped it wasn?t something I?d done.

?I didn?t think you?d want to come back,? she mocked, ?They usually don?t.?

?I liked you,? I admitted, ?I thought we could hang out.?

?You?re not lying,? she sounded surprised.

?No. I really do like you.?

She sighed and opened the door wider, giving me room to come in. She stared at me while I walked, which was kind of scary. Her house looked just like it did yesterday night, unkempt off-white carpeting, bottles and pieces of paper lying around. She closed the door.

?You want to come downstairs?? she asked.

?Um, yeah sure.?

She led me through a dark staircase to the left. The basement was cold, the walls were painted dark grey and the small space was almost completely filled with stuff. Several instrument cases were lying around, along with heaps of sheet music and books. A fold up music stand stood in the corner, next to a beautiful black grand piano. I mean, it was the most beautiful thing I?d ever seen.

?You want to play, right?? she said, like she could read my mind. Or my face.

I nodded, still in awe.

?Go ahead then.?

I tripped down the remaining stairs and stopped in front of it. I ran my finger along the side. The finish glowed like a big black marble. I carefully pulled the bench out and sat down. I pulled the gleaming cover off the keyboard.

?Play something pretty,? she urged, ?Go on.?

I let my fingers fall on the keys, and my heart just took over. I closed my eyes and played. I could sense Rory standing by the base of the staircase, listening. It made me sort of nervous. I was a good player, but I fumbled a few times, because I was so eager to impress her with my ?skills?. Halfway through the piece, she tiptoed over to me and sat on the edge of the bench, watching my fingers swirl out the melody. Having her that close made my heart beat faster and ears ring. It felt good. I sort of made up my own ending, because I couldn?t remember how it really went, but it sounded okay. After the last note, I didn?t look at her, or say anything. I wanted to let the music evaporate on it?s own.

?What was that?? she whispered, ?It was beautiful.? Her voice was so close?she must have been whispering right in my ear.

?Rachmaninoff?s piano concerto two,? I recited the name with confidence, ?It?s one of my favorites.?

I turned my head and there she was, right in my face. I blushed, and a shiver ran down my spine. She was even more beautiful up close.

?Ava?s nuts about you, you know,? she whispered, ?She wanted me to tell you.?

I didn?t say anything. I wanted to think about Rory, not Ava.I could only have one or the other.

?I think I?m nuts about you,? I put a hand on her shoulder. She locked eyes with me, and whatever thoughts were running through my head melted immediately.

The next few minutes are a blur in my memory. I think I?ve tried to block them out. I think I kissed her first, and she returned my favor many times over. It was a game of back-and-forth. I remember how I felt, though. Her lips were like satin, and as warm as the sun, and I felt more at home than I had in a long time. More than I had since?since forever. I also felt conflicted; half the time I was scared to death, and the other half, I was sure I?d died and gone to heaven.

And I remember that she started to cry. I wrapped my arms around her and we leaned against the wall. She just cried, and I hugged her and ran my fingers through her hair.

A wave of guilt washed over me. I didn?t mean to make her cry. ?I?m sorry,? I whispered, ?I had no right??

?It?s not you,? she sobbed, ?It?s me. I can?t do this.? She elbowed me and shoved me away.

?Hey!?

?Please leave!?

I stood there for a moment, unsure of exactly what to do. She glanced at me, still teary-eyed.

?Benny,? she whispered. I had a bad feeling I knew what she was going to say. ?Can?t we just be friends??

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. And then I just got really angry. ?Fine!? I shouted, ?Fine, friends it is then.?

?I didn?t mean??

?So we?re just friends now, huh?? I mocked, ?Then tell Ava I?d love to go out with her! Tell her that me and you are just friends, so she has nothing to worry about!?

I stormed up the staircase and left her there, crying. I left kicking myself. I was a terrible person.

Rory's point of view:

I pretty much sat in the basement and cried for a few hours. I couldn?t stop reprimanding myself: What have I done? What have I done? I screwed everything up for both of us. If I liked Benny, why did I keep rejecting him and saying stupid things? ?Can?t we just be friends?? I mean, who wants to hear that?

At least Ava could have her chance. I felt bad about handing him off like a second-hand sweater, but what choice did I have? I just hoped (oddly) that Benny really liked her. I didn?t want to be responsible for a second broken heart if he was just trying to make me mad. But here I was, thinking about myself again. I should just go back to hiding in my own little freakish world and stop messing things up for other people.

~~~~~

The next day at school was possibly the worst day of my life. I?ll start from the beginning.

I got there early, like usual, and hung out in the courtyard. I hoped beyond measure that I wouldn?t see Benny. After a few minutes, Ava waved and joined me sitting on the curb.

?Hiya,? she greeted, ?So did you talk to Benny?? She looked hopeful.

?Yeah,? I grumbled, ?He seemed happy.? She had no idea.

?Really?!? Ava looked like she was going to burst with happiness. ?Tell me exactly what he said!?

?I don?t think you want to hear ?exactly what he said?,? I muttered under my breath.

?Look,? Ava ignored my mumbling, ?Here he comes!?

I almost fainted. Benny was walking over here. He was glaring at me like he wanted to murder me, but his icy gaze softened on Ava. His clumsy nature shone through as he kicked the curb and blushed like an apple.

?H-hi Ava,? he stuttered.

?Hi Benny,? she giggled.

?Do you?I was wondering if?um?? Benny was shaking. I guess he really did like her, or else he was putting on a pretty great act. ?Are you doing anything tonight?? he finally spat it out.

I rolled my eyes. The jerk.

?No,? Ava admitted. She was just as white as he was. It occurred to me that if these two spent any more time talking together, they would just pass out in each other?s arms from intense nervousness.

?Do you want to meet me in the park? We could, um, hang out for a while.?

?S-sure!? Ava smiled nervously.

?Cool,? Benny breathed, ?I?ll see you, then.? He shot me a vicious glance.

?Bye, Rory,? he derided, ?I had a nice time last night.?

I glared at him and mouthed, what are you doing? He made a point of ignoring me, smiled at Ava one last time and disappeared into the crowd of loquacious teenagers. I rolled my eyes again. The idiot had no idea what he was doing.

?Um, Rory,? Ava asked innocently, ?What was he talking about??

?Nothing,? I lied, ?He just stopped by my house to?um??

An older boy I didn?t know shouted to me from across the courtyard while his friends laughed.

?Hey, Lorelei,? I wondered how he knew my name, ?Have fun with Benny last night??

A crowd of older kids were giggling and staring at me. I could?ve died. The excited smile had faded from Ava?s face.

?Rory,? she looked heartbroken, ?What are you not telling me??

?Nothing, everything?s fine!? I shouted, ?It didn?t mean anything . . .?

Her mouth dropped open and she scowled angrily. I stared guiltily at my feet.

?How could you?!? she screamed, ?I thought you knew how much I liked him!? She stood up. ?You know what? I never want to talk to you again!? A tear slid down her cheek as she huffed away. I closed my eyes. Could things get any worse?

~~~~~

The snowfall was light that afternoon, so we still got to sit outside for lunch. I, of course, was all alone on my curb. Ava meant it when she said she didn?t want to talk to me ever again. At about 12:15, I got bored being alone and pulled out some vocabulary flash cards. Thinking about words calmed me. Ignominious?Shameful, humiliating. Ugh. Vacillate?To be indecisive, to hesitate. Ugh. Equivocate?To avoid telling the truth. These words sounded too much like my real life. Vehement?Strongly emotional, passionate.

Halfway through lunch period, I felt Benny standing behind me. He knew that I knew he was there.

?What do you want?? I mumbled.

He sighed and sat down on the curb beside me. I turned away.

?I?m really sorry,? he apologized, ?I shouldn?t have yelled at you. I?m not usually like that.?

I could tell he was really sorry. His voice held the relief of a confession and the slight quaver of remorse. I wanted to avoid forgiving him out loud.

?Ava?s really upset,? I told him, ?What exactly were you trying to pull back there??

?I don?t know what I was thinking.?

?No, you obviously don?t.?

There was a moment of silence. I felt bad, I didn?t want to hold anything against him. Not really. I was just playing for forgiveness now, and the only way I could get Benny to forgive me was if I forgave him.

?So,? I changed the subject, trying to sound more friendly, ?You?re going out with Ava tonight.?

?Yeah,? he got a clue and tried to play along with my ?friendly? routine, ?I was, but she probably hates me now.?

?She could never hate you! She worships you. But I?m pretty sure she hates me.?

?I?ll just tell her that it was nothing. She?ll believe me.?

We both smiled. It felt good to be talking like friends. The ?end of lunch? bell rang and Benny casually waved goodbye, leaving my lonely spot on the curb. I felt happy, but a small hole in my heart was growing. I thought maybe the two of us could have something special, something more than friendship, but I guess not. I?d made a choice, and now I had to face the consequences.

Benny's point of view:

??And now they all hate me!? I complained, throwing myself to Andy?s couch. ?I can?t deal with girls!?

?C?mon, Benny,? he took his spot on the arm of his dad?s chair, ?You never know what a girl?s thinking. They?re probably just playing hard to get.?

?No, I swear, they?re all out to get me!? I sighed. ?Even girls I?ve barely spoken to are giving me the cold shoulder!?

?Like who? You?re overreacting!?

I glanced at the clock. It was about five minutes to seven. My stomach turned over.

?I gotta go,? I said, ?As far as I know, I?m still meeting Ava.?

?Did you ever reconcile with Lorelei??

?Sort of. It felt . . . unreal,? I answered, ?Like we were just avoiding a sore subject.?

?Ah,? he said, ?Well hurry up. Don?t keep Ava waiting.?

I stood up. My ankle was bothering me again today, but whatever. I pulled on my jacket and Andy practically threw me out the door.

?Have fun!? he called after me before slamming the door shut. I think he was sort of sick of having me around. To tell the truth, I?d been treating him like my therapist the past few days, showing up at his house and talking forever. I had a lot of problems, it turns out. A lot of problems that Rory had the nerve to dig out of dormancy.

It was still snowing, and my sixteenth birthday was fast approaching. It usually snowed on my birthday, which was nice. I loved the snow. I took my time getting to the park. It was dark outside, and I loved nothing more than to take a walk in the snow at night.

As I approached the park, I caught a glimpse of Ava?s silhouette resting on a bench. I trotted over to sit next to her, steam puffing from my mouth.

?Hey,? I greeted. She looked at me with scorn. ?You look cold.?

?Duh,? Ava rolled her eyes, ?I?m not wearing a jacket.? She turned away from me.

?Here,? I offered, pulling off my jacket and placing it gently around her vulnerable shoulders, ?Take mine. I don?t need it.?

I waited for a sign that it would be all right to go sit next to her. I didn?t want to make any mistakes that would cause her to, say, slap me or spear me with a pencil in science tomorrow. She gave me a reassuring look, so I sat apprehensively beside her. It was quiet for a moment, and I was too scared to look at her.

?A-are you mad at me?? I questioned stupidly, ?Because whatever I did, I?m sorry!?

She sighed and finally turned to face me. Her green eyes shone like glass in the moonlight and a shiver ran up my spine. They were the exact opposite of Rory?s eyes: Ava?s were light, warm, uplifting, like the stained-glass window of a chapel with summer light shining through. Rory?s eyes were like the ocean on a cold October evening, a storm that soaked sailors to the bone and crushed anything alive for miles. They were predator?s eyes that evoked fear in anyone stupid enough to make contact, that dove after you like an angry hawk hiding in the shadows.

?I?m not mad,? she confessed. I was suddenly snapped back to reality. I had been thinking about Rory again.

?I really like you, Ava,? I said rather quickly. I think I?d been thinking it ever since I first saw her, I?d just been scared to say it out loud.

?You do?? she didn?t sound convinced, ?What about Rory? Do you ?really like? her too??

?Ava, me and her are just friends,? I desperately explained, ?Really. I promise.?
Even though I knew it was true, I bit my bottom lip when I said that. Why are you doing that? My mind screamed, You and Rory are just friends. Get a grip on reality.

She smiled, ever so slightly, but I felt better. I could be with Ava and I?d never have to worry about Rory again.

?In that case,? she whispered, leaning in close to my face, ?I really like you too.?

I put my arm around her shoulders and she leaned her head against mine. It felt magical, sitting there with my blonde angel. She was meant to be my girl, I could tell.

But all through that night, I was also thinking about Rory. She probably didn?t like me at all, and I?d be pushing my luck if I went to visit her again, but you never know. It seemed like whenever I was with Ava I was thinking about Rory, and whenever I was with Rory I was thinking about Ava. They were like a little angel and devil on each of my shoulders, clambering for the attention of my thoughts. They seemed to be almost exact opposites though, so I wondered: how I could be so attracted to them both?

Ava yawned, again yanking me out of my heedless trance.

?I should probably go home,? she looked at her feet, ?But my parents are kind of . . .?

?I know how you feel,? I said.

She started to pull of my jacket and return it to me.

?No, you keep it,? I insisted, ?You?ll be cold walking home.?

?But you?ll be cold without it too!?

?Aw, I?ll be fine.?

I walked right up next to her. She did the same thing at the same time, so we sort of smacked into each other. But it didn?t matter. I pulled her into a tight hug. It felt right, having her close like that. But I also felt guilty, like the devil on my shoulder was prodding me with its pitchfork.

?I?ll see you tomorrow,? I whispered.

?Yeah,? she agreed.

She gave me one last glowing smile before she trotted off into the darkness in the direction of her house. I immediately felt a pang of loneliness and shivered in the cold weather. I wanted anything but to return to my house. I was sure my parents would be at it again, and I would have to sleep against the outside wall or at the lot. Or I could crash at Andy?s house. But I?ll bet he was still sick of me. It seemed like everybody was.

~~~~~

I walked home and, as expected, my parents were yelling and hitting things. I thought it best not to go inside, so I just leaned against the outside of the house and fell asleep. In my dreams I was caught in a burning fish net and my skin was on fire, and Ava was looking in at me, crying, but she couldn?t save me. Rory was looking in from the other side, holding a dagger and staring at me with that?that stare that she has. Then Rory leaned in and stabbed me with the dagger, whispering, ?Beware the angle in hell.? Then it all faded away. That line echoed in my head?Beware the angel in hell. I would be sure to do that.

Rory's point of view:

?Should I stop now?? Benny called, pounding out ?The Entertainer? while I finished my homework.

?No, keep playing,? I urged, ?I can tell you?re having fun.?

Benny had been stopping by my house the last few days after school. We would practice some jazz charts together, do homework, whatever. It felt good to have a friend that didn?t seem to want to judge me. He finished his piece and went back and forth across the keyboard with some finger warm-ups.

?So,? I inquired, ?How are things with Ava?? I detested the hint of jealousy in my voice.

?Oh,? he suddenly sounded much less happy, ?Fine.?

?Are you sure??

?Ah, I forgot you have weird emotion-detecting powers,? he sighed.

?So??

?Nothing?s actually wrong. I really like her. It?s all in my head.?

?What?s all in your head??

?Nothing, it?s nothing.?

?You?re lying.?

?Well I can?t tell you what?s really bothering me.?

?Why not??

?Forget it, Rory!?

I decided to back off. I went back to my homework and Benny kept playing. He made a lot more mistakes though, and he seemed anxious about something. Ava hadn?t spoken to me since her little outburst, so I guess I was destined to have only one real friend at a time or something. I tried to concentrate on my science work, but Benny was acting weird enough to arouse my suspicion. Even though it seemed wrong, I leaned to the side and my eyes zeroed in on him.

Sweaty temples?Guilt. Stiff neck muscles?Hiding something. Unsteady breathing--Slight nervousness. Flushed face?Wait a second. I took a moment to add it all up.

?Benny,? I questioned hesitantly, ?You know I can tell what you?re thinking, right??

?You are so annoying sometimes!?

?You still like me, don?t you??

He slammed his fist on the keyboard. ?You are a cold-hearted, egotistical, friendless psycho maniac who can?t stop prying into other people?s business!?

?Benny??

?I?m crazy about you, Lorelei!?

We looked at each other. Without meaning too, I took in a few more details.

Consistent blinking?He was telling the truth. Fully dilated pupils?He was deep in thought. Furrowed eyebrows?Conflicted feelings.

?C?mon,? I sighed, ?I thought we weren?t going to do this.? What was I saying? I thought I liked Benny? Why couldn?t I make up my mind?

?I?m sorry, but I can?t pretend I don?t feel something for you!?

?What about Ava??

He hesitated. ?I?um . . . I like her too!?

?You know how that sounds, right??

?Yeah, yeah,? he seriously looked torn apart.

?You can?t have the both of us.? I was surprisingly calm. I guess I was sort of relieved that he really did like me, and I wasn?t imagining things.

?I?Why am I even talking to you about this?? He grabbed a textbook from the top of the piano and stormed up the stairs. ?I think I?m going insane. See you tomorrow!? I heard him slam the door closed.

~~~~~

Okay, I said I was friendless. Benny said I was friendless. But over the past few days, I had accumulated a small collection of outcasts to join me on my lonely curb spot during lunch while Ava sat by herself across the courtyard. Of course I?d ?scanned? them first.

Chrystal, ?Chriss??A lonely manic-depressive who wrote schmaltzy poetry and enjoyed dying her hair fantastical colors. Her outfits were interesting and covered in ribbons, zippers, buttons and designs. Young, shy . . . She was also head-over-heels for Benny, but she was so unnoticeable she could melt into the carpet.

Stephanie?A sweet, quiet, imaginative sixteen-year-old who was always reading and drawing. A great listener, exceedingly helpful, but she was a follower, not a leader. She was really good-looking too, but was blissfully ignorant of her many starry-eyed admirers.

Sara?A pleasantly friendly peacemaker type who was always cracking jokes, constantly smiling and conversing. She seemed to know everybody, and everybody knew her. A very encouraging and a good cheer-you-on sort of friend.

Nicole, ?Nicki??Smart, argumentative sassy-girl who liked to start food fights and throw spitballs at seniors (not a very good idea if you ask me). She was tight with Benny and Andy and lots of the other guys, and had a knack for shoplifting. She and Angela were usually fighting.

Angela?An aggressive, arrogant troublemaker who couldn?t keep her nose out of other people?s business. I was really fond of her, actually. She could be nice when she wasn?t busy being a malicious sadistic jerk. Angela also had a thing for Andrew (no one could guess why exactly). She enjoyed sparking fights with Nicki. Too bad neither of them liked to give in.

Yeah, so I guess I wasn?t friendless anymore. But Ava was, and I felt bad. We were a pretty weird group, to tell the truth, but I actually liked being around people more than I ever had before. Anyway, there we were one day at lunch. I was unwrapping an apple butter and Swiss cheese sandwich.

?That looks gross,? Angela insulted.

?It?s not,? I argued, ?It?s good. It just looks gross.? I took a bite.

?Oh,? Chriss sighed, fishing around in her book bag, ?Can I borrow someone?s history notes? I, um . . .?

?Forgot them?? Sara interjected, ?You can have mine. I already took the test.?

?You already took the test?? Angela said, ?You wrote down the answers you were sure about right? So I could copy??

?Of course. I always do that.?

I noticed Stephanie sitting on the edge of our circle, sketching in one of her notebooks. She was amazing at portraits, they looked so real.

?What?re you drawing?? I asked.

?What?? she quickly covered it with her arm, ?Nothing. I?m just doodling.?

?Yeah right,? Nicki grabbed it from her, ?Oh my gosh! It?s amazing!?

I leaned over to look. It was an astoundingly detailed portrait of Benny staring off into space. She probably started it in math, because she sits right behind him. I loved it so much I wanted to tear it out of her notebook and tape it to my ceiling so I could stare at it while I went to sleep, but that would be stupid.

?Wow, Steph,? I whispered, ?That?s really great.?

?Thanks,? she swallowed shyly, ?I think I?ve got a little crush on him.? Oh, come on. Another one? Benny had a lot of fans.

?Geez!? Angela complained, ?Who besides me doesn?t have a crush on Benny??

Chrystal, Stephanie and I gazed embarrassedly at our feet.

?Hey,? Nicki admitted, ?I?m Owen?s girl, and Sara?s after Steve.?

The lunch bell rang and our group disbanded into several different buildings. I grabbed my book bag and headed for geometry. Ugh. Ava was in my geometry class, and I didn?t want to see her. I wondered if Benny would show up at my house this afternoon. I secretly hoped so.

Benny's point of view:

My eyelids flickered open. I was lying on Andrew?s couch. Oh yeah, I wandered over here after dropping by Rory?s house after school. Steve was sitting on my feet and Andy was sitting on one couch-arm watching TV while his older brother, Bryan, sat on the other. Owen was leaning wearily against the far wall pretending not to be interested.

?Bennyboy,? Steve greeted, ?G?morning, sleeping beauty.?

I rubbed my eyes. There was a knock on the door.

?Let ?em in,? Bryan mumbled as Andrew hopped up to open the door. Rory stood in the open doorway. I sat up. My hair was all over the place and there were dark circles under my eyes due to lack of sleep. I must have looked like a psycho.

?Hi,? she muttered nervously, but smiled, ?Benny left some stuff at my house.? She held up my book bag.

She was wearing makeup and her hair was curled. Gosh, she was cute. My mind was sort of fuzzy though, so it took a moment to take in the whole scene. Owen twirled a cigarette between his fingers and walked deliberately up to the door. He pushed Andrew out of the way.

?And who might you be?? he questioned, looming over her with an intimidating smile. Rory caught my eye and gave me a look like, ?who does this creep think he is?? I shrugged, still sleepy.

?I?m Lorelei,? she stated bravely, going out of her way to make eye contact, ?One of Benny?s friends. Who?re you??

?Who do you think I am??

I secretly hoped Rory wouldn?t say something she?d regret, but it was too late.

?I think you?re a ruthlessly sadistic drinking-maniac who?s so insecure about how others perceive him that he beats up on defenseless kids and tries to make himself look tougher than everyone else,? she stifled a giggle. ?And you?re a figure skater.?

Owen looked so mad he would explode. ?You don?t talk to me like that, punk!? He pounded his fist on the wall. What was Rory trying to do? Get herself killed? It occurred to me that she?d never met Owen before.

She continued??You grind your teeth. You crack your knuckles. You love chocolate. You?re allergic to grass pollens. And yes, you?re a skater,? Owen looked like he wanted to remove her head from her shoulders. ?Shall I go on?? She said.

I held my breath.

Owen scowled angrily but let her in through the doorway. I exhaled. That was close.

?Here you go,? she tossed me my book bag, as Steve smiled and offered her a seat. She flopped down next to me on the couch.

Owen cracked his knuckles anxiously and lit a cigarette. He tossed me one, which I lit for myself.

?So,? Rory began, ?This is your gang, huh?? I looked around. We weren?t much of a sight. A bunch of dirty, sleepy greasy guys smoking and snacking in a living room.

?Uh, yeah,? I replied, ?That?s?? I started to introduce her to the guys, but was evidently too slow.

?Wait, let me guess,? her eyes did that weird focusing thing. ?Owen?s that mean one, Bryan?s on the other couch arm and Steve?s the one standing over there and looking at me like I?m from outer space.?

?Yeah,? I?d gotten used to Rory being right about pretty much everything.

?Hey,? Andrew chimed in from his newfound spot in the armchair, ?Rory, do you want to stay over tonight? It?s a Friday.?

?Sure!? she agreed happily. Owen rolled his eyes. I was supposed to stay over tonight too. I was grateful, but I also wished Andy would stop trying to set us up, because it just made everything with Ava that much harder.

It was sort of around that time that I realized I couldn?t keep both these girls as a part of my life, because it was too hard to distinguish the line between love and friendship. I?d either have to dump Ava, or ditch Rory, and live with my choice. I hated myself for the thought of calling question to my relationships with either of them, but it was a necessary step in whatever was to come.

~~~~~
Rory's point of view:

It was about midnight. We were still awake (even though I could have been sleeping, I was so tired), sitting in a small circle in the living room playing Yahtzee. I suck at games like that, I?m just not very lucky.

Anyway, I?d been waiting for an excuse to talk to Rory alone. She was just being such a jerk today! Walking around like she could tell anyone what to do. And in geometry she was thoroughly ignoring Ava, who seemed to be trying desperately to apologize for something. I wanted to yell at her to stop being such a bitch, but I had a feeling my words wouldn?t make one little dent on her over-inflated ego.

?I won!? Andy shouted joyfully, comparing his score with everyone else?s, ?For like, the first time ever!?

?I bet you cheated,? Steve grumbled.

?You can?t cheat at Yahtzee!?

?I?m sure you found a way,? Steve tackled Andy playfully.

I decided to take my chance. ?Hey Rory, can I talk to you for a minute?? I motioned towards the hallway, where we would be out of earshot. She caught my eye and understood my tone of voice.

?Sure,? she scrambled up and followed me into the hall.

I guided her into a dark corner without turning on the light. I wondered how exactly I would say what I wanted to say. I didn?t exactly have a way with words.

?You,? I began, ?You are being such a bitch today!? I spilled out my soul in harsh whispers before I even had a chance to think about what I was doing. ?I mean, you?ve just been pushing people around and stepping all over everyone?s ideas all day! And Ava was trying to apologize to you in geometry! She?s sorry, okay, she feels really bad. I wish you would just get a clue already!?

She looked hurt. I hadn?t realized how mean I was being. I guess I just thought she was indestructible, but no one was indestructible. Her innocent gaze quickly returned to the cold hard ocean stare that I was used too. Too bad. She looked so pretty with those innocent eyes.

?Fine,? she mumbled, ?I-I?m sorry.?

?Please!? I pleaded, ?Make up with Ava! You guys are tearing me apart!?

She looked at her feet.

?Rory,? I reasoned, ?Make up with Ava or I?ll never talk to you again!?

?What if I don?t want you to talk to me?? she muttered, still avoiding eye contact.

?Then I?ll bug you about it for the rest of your life! Either way, please,? I put my hand reassuringly on her shoulder, ?Do it for me.?

?All right,? she agreed, ?I?ll do it. For you.?

I looked around for Ava, but she was nowhere to be found in the courtyard. I had to do this now, or I might never. Benny had kind of scared me last night when he confronted me about her, but he was right. I was being stupid, holding non-existent grudges. Honestly, Ava made me jealous, because Benny adored her. But she was too sweet to hate.

I spotted her wandering aimlessly around the math building. I swallowed apprehensively and trotted over there before I could stop myself.

?Ava!? I shouted. She turned around.

?What??

?Um, I wanted to apologize,? I sputtered, ?I?m not trying to ignore you. Well, I was, but that was stupid.?

She looked at me. ?Are you serious??

?Um, well?yeah??

?No, I mean?It was my fault. Whatever it is you?re mad at me about, that is.?

?What?? I was trying to figure this out, ?I thought you were mad at me!?

?No. I was worried because you were mad at me!?

?I was only mad at you because you were mad at me!?

We were silent for a moment, and then we burst out laughing. It was just so weird.

?Sit with us at lunch?? I offered.

?Sure,? she smiled. I felt a huge weight float off my chest.

~~~~~

Ava joined my weird lunch-friends that afternoon. She was a nice addition, actually. Very friendly. The girls took to her like an old friend they?d been missing and I actually had hoped that things would stay this great forever. But no one can expect that.

?So,? Nicki asked that afternoon once we had all settled down on the curbside, ?Who?s going to the dance on Thursday??

?I?m going with Steve,? Sara spouted.

?Seriously?? Angela complained, ?I?ve been stewing over asking Andrew.?

?You should do it,? Stephanie encouraged.

?I?ll only ask him if you ask someone,? she reasoned.

?Hey, no way! I?m not a dance person. And isn?t the guy supposed to ask the girl??

?I?m pretty much considered a guy anyway. What about you Chriss?? Angela inquired.

She gulped shyly, ?N-never. To many people in one place.?

?C?mon! Someone besides Sara has to be going, right?? she glanced at Ava and I. ?What about you two??

We both swallowed and stuttered worriedly.

?I-I was?? I breathed.

?Well, I was thinking maybe?? Ava interrupted.

Neither of us said anything in the end. We just sat around in awkward silence. Angela sighed. I finally spoke up.

?You know Bryan?s been eyeing you since a week ago, Chriss,? I raised my eyebrows at her.

?Really??

?Yeah, he?s totally into you,? I turned to around.

?And you, Stephanie, there?s like ten guys who?ve been tailing you around all day.?

She looked at her feet. ?Yeah, sure,? she sounded unconvinced, ?Like who??

?Alec. Matt. Charlie. Danny. Marc. Practically everyone in the entire school,? I confessed, ?Or at least everyone in third period History.?

?Whatever.?

The ?end of lunch? bell rang. I watched our group disband. Nicki and Sara headed for English in the 400 building, Angela and Stephanie disappeared into the 100 for Science, and Chrystal wandered, lonely, towards the art building. Ava and I gathered our books and headed for math in the 300, together. It didn?t feel nearly as uncomfortable as it had a few days ago.

~~~~~

Halfway through geometry, no one was listening anymore. A group of guys on the other side of the room were laughing and throwing paper wads at each other, and a group of gals were intently discussing something or other that had nothing to do with math. Even though we were right next to each other, Ava and I were passing notes back and forth. Mrs. Barnes loved to pick on us, and we didn?t like to get caught. I scribbled something down and passed it to her.

So you are going to the dance, right?

I watched her pencil swivel back and forth in reply. Ava had such swoopy, beautiful handwriting.

I?d love it if Benny asked me

C?mon, he?s to shy, I scribbled, You?ve gotta help him out

I glanced at her encouragingly. She was nuts if she thought Benny would do something like that. I mean, the guy was probably scared of mice.

But he?s supposed to ask me! She wrote with the anxiousness of a woman scorned.

If you don?t ask him, someone else will ask you, I responded.

No one else will ask me, She scribbled swoopily.

She was wrong. I could name at least three other guys that were into her. It bugged me how ignorant people get, but I guess that was just because I was exactly the opposite of ignorant. No one would ask me, right? So I figured I?d avoid embarrassment if I promised myself I?d stay home. But those kind of plans never work out.

Benny's point of view:

?Ask her, or I?ll have to do it for you!? Andy hollered at me.

Everyone was getting so worked up about our annual winter-fest school dance. Of course I?d take Ava, but I was scared to admit I?d never really taken a girl dancing (or anywhere, for that matter).

?Oh yeah,? I diverted the subject in a new direction, ?Well what about you and that brown-haired obnoxious chick? What was her name again??

?Angela. And she?s not obnoxious, she?s a pretty cool girl.?

?Sure. Whatever.?

We were walking home that Tuesday, through the field that bordered tons of back-streets in the area. Andy?s house bordered that field (so did Rory?s), but my house was sort of out in the boondocks past all civilization. That?s why it took me so long to walk back and forth between home, school and everywhere else. I wish that I had a car.

We rounded a street corner and I immediately recognized Rory?s tall light-blue house. I wanted so bad to burst through her door and just spend the night with her in the basement. Talking together, I mean, as just-friends, maybe playing some jazz. I wished I could live there. Get away from my life. And I?d have a piano around all the time, so what could be better?

?You want to see if she?s home?? Andrew asked, noticing my deep stare towards the living room window.

?Yeah,? I gave in. At this point, I?d stopped trying to argue when he teased me about Rory. I trotted eagerly (too eagerly, in my opinion) up to her doorway and pulled it open without knocking. I?d gotten used to that too.

?Hello?? I called through the open door. Her living room was a disaster, but a sight for my sore eyes none the less. Stained white carpeting, stacks of books and empty coke-bottles lying around. It was like home. But not my home?I didn?t really have one.

?I?m here?one second!? I heard her barely before I saw her skid into sight. She was clad in miss-matched socks, a pair of ripped jeans and a plaid button-up that was so big it must have belonged to her dad. Her hair was tied loosely in a ponytail that swung back and forth of her head like the actually tail of an actual horse (I guess that?s why they call them that), and her pale face was void up makeup, revealing several colorful splotches and acne scars that I wasn?t really used to seeing. It struck me that she was actually kind of ugly, but that didn?t matter to me. Ugly, beautiful?It?s all the same, really.

?Hi,? I greeted, letting myself in, ?We?re were just walking around and we thought we?d say hello.?

?Great,? she shoved several piles of papers off a previously buried couch, ?C?mon in then.?

Andrew and I wandered into her living room and flopped over on her couch. I was so tired. School just sucked all the energy out of me. Rory stood across from us, leaning against the wall with a forlorn expression, unsure of what to say.

?Y-you okay?? I asked.

?Me? I?m fine. Just?? she took a long look at me, ?--tired.?

Andrew jumped in and changed the subject.

?You?re going to the dance, right Rory? It?s a once-a-year opportunity!? he egged her on.

?No way,? she sighed.

?Why not??

She gave me another long look that made me squirm with discomfort.

?No one to go with, I guess,? okay, she was staring right at me. Creepy. ?And I?m sure as hell not going alone.?

?Well, Angela?s coming with me and I?ll drag Benny and Ava there together if it?s the last thing I do!?

She suddenly looked down. ?That?s great,? she mumbled. I could scarcely see her face, but I wished I could.

Andrew glanced at the clock hanging precariously above a nearby armchair. ?I gotta go,? he sputtered, cursing, ?Totally forgot about something.? He grabbed his school stuff and raced out the door without yelling a goodbye. Great. Way to leave me alone with Rory again.

I sat there for a moment, silent. I think she was crying.

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